It’s rough and full of potholes.
Too many times I’ve wanted to pull over and call it quits. I keep telling myself to keep moving forward and, eventually, this long and bumpy road will lead me to something meaningful and rewarding.
…And after a long and weary sigh, I trudge forward.
I don’t know why I keep going, except for the sheer joy I get out of creating new things, but I could save hundreds of dollars a year just by passing up the art supplies in the stores or online.
Financially, my art does nothing for me. It contributes nothing to my family. Zero. Zilch.
So, why do I keep doing it?
I feel that I’ve plateaued artistically. I will never have the money to go to school in order to hone my skills, so, in my mind, I will never have the skills to do anything potentially great.
So, again, why do I keep doing?
This is my mind every single day. I struggle with self-doubt. Actually, to be honest, I don’t struggle with self-doubt because, most of the time, self-doubt paralyzes me, it paralyzes my spirit, almost to the point of no return.
There have been many times that I’ve gathered all of my materials, my paintings, all of my work, and have gotten to the point of tossing them all in the trashcan.
But…I don’t. I never do.
I lay all my painting out on the table and look them over. I think about the work I put into them. I think about the joy it brings me to paint and to create things…anything.
It’s usually at that point that the road smooths out again and the ride isn’t so terrible. I roll the windows down, take in the fresh air, and enjoy the things I do. I believe in myself again, even if for a short time.
I know somewhere up the road my confidence will, once again, slip out the window and I will find self-doubt in the passenger seat telling me how bad of a driver I am…
But until then, I’m going to paint pictures, I’m going to write books, and I’m going to enjoy the ride.
P.S. – I found a home on Society6 where my original art is put on products like art prints, canvas prints, framed prints, coffee mugs, travel mugs, pillows, throw blankets, and much more! Check it out!
NEYIWA! Thank You!