I just wanted to give a little update on Shawnee Rising Studios!
It’s been a while since I’ve written in the blog or posted a podcast and I just thought it was time to give an update on why.
So, I quit my job back in March and I had these huge plans to build my little art business at home, eventually pulling in my wife to help with some stuff. Original artwork, beaded earrings, and bracelets were a few of the items I have made and sold in my Online Studio. Soap, lip balms, and possibly bath bombs were in the plans for future endeavors. All of this was supposed to happen by the end of the year, with my wife quitting her job to help after saving money back.
None of this has happened yet.
It’s now October. Things haven’t really fallen into place and for the last few weeks, I have been in that state of mind that most artists go through when they’re starting out; feeling like an imposter.
I’ve heard of artists and creators going through this phase of their careers, but I didn’t think would be such a debilitating feeling.
Imposter syndrome is when a person doubts their skills and abilities and has feelings of being a fraud. You feel like you’re inadequate and failing.
I have hit this phase of my art-building career.
When things don’t sell and I can’t get people to buy things, I wonder if what I’m doing is even worth it. If I don’t have money coming in, then none of it is. Without money, I can’t help my wife pay bills and/or buy groceries. As much as I would love to be able to do my artwork without charging, it’s impossible. Society has placed such a burden on us to need money that even the smallest of services must be charged for.
I’m not getting the money I need to continue with what I’m doing at this moment.
Was I not good enough? I don’t know. I can’t get people to answer my questions about my work or website. I can’t get people to review my Facebook page or products. I can’t get people to share posts or links.
Nobody, but a small few, will tell me how I’m doing or how they like my work.
Nobody, but a small few, will listen to my podcasts.
I’ve messaged many people on Facebook and asked if they’ve ever clicked on a link to one of my blog posts, and they’ve all said no. So, they won’t read this.
It’s no one’s fault. It’s mine.
I haven’t marketed myself or my art the way I should have and I don’t spend enough time on social media to talk about my art. I’ve been a quiet person my whole life and that has, for the most part, spread over into my social media.
At this point in my art-building career, I feel like a fraud. I know the feeling will pass. I know I just have to give it time, but time is running out. I don’t want to still be working on my career when I’m in my 50’s.
I have to get a job.
I have been actively putting in applications to places close to home because I’m not making any money.
I feel like a failure in the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my life.
Like I said, this feeling will pass.
We have things to work on to get my workspace more like an artist shop. At this time, it’s in my bedroom and there’s very little room to do anything.
So, at some point, I will be heading back to work. I don’t know when and I don’t know what effect it will have on my artwork if any. If I don’t post or do anything for a while, I’m most likely focusing on work until I get settled in.
Going back to work was the one thing I never wanted to do again.
In the meantime, I’m working on a book; a novel. I write when I can and it helps when I’m feeling unproductive.
I love to write. I wish I had learned more about writing in school, or grammar more specifically.
I love to write, but I sure don’t know how to. After many drafts of getting my story and characters the way I want them, we will come to the editing portion; editing my book line by line to make sure all of my sentences are clear of mistakes. I’m sure there will be many.
There are many aspects to writing a book that I’ve never learned how to do; description, world-building, etc., but I’ve watched hours of videos on it.
There’s an awesome community of new and old authors on YouTube that teach their way of writing. They each tackle books in their own way and it’s awesome to learn from people that actually know what they’re talking about.
But, that’s about all right now.
I hope that you stick around to see what happens in the future. I’m still fighting like hell to make things happen, even when I feel like a fraud at times.
Niyâwe! Thank you!
